Tears of Joy

Nostalgia....

Don’t know what emotion it is, that boils up when thinking about the years and experiences realized here; But it sure does have tinges of love and hate, joy and tears, pride and taint, laughter and pain, fame and scandal.

It must be the profuse of these emotions and thoughts, that the heart lends a tear to the eye. I can't help but admit:

Thinking of St. Thomas makes me cry!!

St. Thomas School is a chip of me!!
I owe a lot of myself to the countless days, faces, experiences and decisions there!
I would not be me. Maybe better, maybe worse. But I swear I'd rather be this way and believe it’s the best.

Bitter experiences, glorious fame, tender moments, loving thoughts, crying downs, long and lonely walks, bitter embarrassments, baneful insults, persistent botherations, supporting personas, recognizing and patronizing partners, demoralizing events, joyful dances, laurels, hearts songs, yearns for love, crave for attention, !!

I can still smell the fresh paint, on the start of the academic year!
I can feel how the eyes wet to see Mummy go back home that day!
I can see how we used to huddle up for each other on that day!
I can still recollect that we used to fight like dogs the very next day!

I can feel the excitement of wearing new dresses to school (maybe not)!
I can see the yellow busses pull in on rainy days!
I can feel the rebel in me, trying to break out of the shackles!
I can still feel the tired, desperate warrior beat by the system finally!

I can still hear the ring of church bells and the evening and morning hymns!
I can see myself in the choir, singing out my heart, in devotion and pride!
I can see myself sleep away golden hours of my time!
I can see the latecomer always, getting tainted and whipped!

I can see the running from wardens, afternoon naps, socks balls and games!
I can feel the illicit pleasure in climbing up the mango trees!
I can recollect the plans to play socks ball basketball, with vigil on sir!
I can still wince with pain of the cane digging in to my thighs and back!

I can see with my eyes closed, rows of beds in blue unison!
I can see the freezing of movements at the bell for bedside prayer!
I can feel the urge to start playing basketball in the sunny afternoons!
I can feel teenage thought about the girls around!

I can still hear the speech at the passing out ceremony!
I still recollect the moment of realization!
I hear my friend orate "Its over, we are going out a trapdoor"!
I still feel the frozen me see all the long years in a flash!

I can recollect all this, but....

Never can I go back to those days again to relive it!
Never did those monotonous days of my life make sense to me!
Never did it hint that it is molding me, and enslaving me!

Never did I relish the pain...
Never did I love the school or the hostel...
Never did I want to continue there...

Yet then I realize I did!!

Years down the line...

Here I am...
Tear in my eye...
Remembering those 'Best days of my life'!
Remembering my 'Alma Mater'....

I still feel the souls crave to stick on!
I still feel the futile prayer to rewind in time!
Knowing it's all so silly........
I still wish it could be so!

I have had it all.... don’t know though what it is that brings these tears....
Pain or Longing?
It just is so misty ... how do I know what is causing these tears?

Slowly, the mist clears and the sun shines through....

And in the end, it's nothing but the sweetness that remains!
I realize it must have been my own
'TEARS OF JOY'

I owe this post to my school:
Please do visit!!
St. Thomas Central School